How to Survive Driving in Austin: Extended Edition

1. Parking is a quest. If you manage to find a spot downtown, double-check—it might be an optical illusion or the parking fee might cost more than your car.
2. Traffic lights have a life of their own. You might sit at a red light forever while no one's coming from the other direction. Or they might change so fast you’ll need to go full Formula 1 to make it.
3. When your GPS says “Exit in 500 feet,” it actually means “Oops, you already missed it.”
4. Austin drivers are one of a kind. You’ll meet someone cruising at 15 mph in the fast lane, and someone else racing like it’s the Indy 500—even if there’s a red light ahead.
5. Speed bump neighborhoods = off-road rally training. Some drivers creep over them like newborn deer. Others just pretend they don’t exist.
6. August? Grab gloves. Your steering wheel turns into a frying pan.
7. See a “Keep Austin Weird” sticker? Remember—it applies to driving styles too. Just accept it... and hold on tight.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY — every Saturday from 11 to 1, if you're passing the Capitol, honk for the Ukrainian rally to support us.